What I call "the other life", i.e.: family commitments, paid work, is an enormous work deflector.
It causes such a break in my train of thoughts and their physical manifestations - drawings, paintings, that, when the intensely busy period is over and I am finally able to turn my attention to the studio and the endless search for further exhibiting opportunities, I find that if I am not careful, I freeze, unable to do anything!
Is this a common problem? Anyone?
Even the little triumphs that happen along the way, the recent selection for Sketch 13, in my case, does nothing to avert the awful nagging, looming cloud of self doubt that seems ever present, waiting to engulf me the minute my thoughts become in any way unsure.
So, today, instead of worrying about this, the need for more work space, the fact that I have not seen my parents for ages, (I could go on but I won't), I shall make a positive move. I shall fill my car with some of the stuff that needs to go out to my studio and go out there and spend some time organising the space, ready to start developing some of the prints that I have had in mind for a while.
At least then I will have done something positive with what is in danger of becoming a falling off the cliff of self doubt day! Actions always make me feel better, and once started on the reorganising of the mess that has become my studio space post solo exhibition and moving of storage units out there, I'll be in a more positive frame of mind to actually start the new work!
And with that statement, I shall go. . . . . I'll muse on how it went later. I would be very interested to hear how other artists feel about this too, so if you read this, please post a comment!
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I think self doubt walks hand in hand with being an artist, and I think it's what keep us humble and not arseholes!!
ReplyDeleteQuestioning is a good thing, it's certainly how I develop thoughts and creations. It is also what keeps me 'questing'! I think if I didn't question my ability I would make something, sit back and do nothing else. It's also perfectly acceptable to have this intense period of self reflection after having achieved something as you have!
Congratulations on the Sketch Book Project- I'm dead envious, it looks like it's going to be a great thing to be involved with!! xxx
Thank you for your lovely and thoughtful reply Laura! You are right that we do need to have time for reflection; it is keeping positive and using the results of this period in a positive way that is key to continuing with making good work!
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